I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
