On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize