if you like me you must not know who I am
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
