he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
