Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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