laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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