We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
