Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize