My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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