I must be too annoying 4 u.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
