Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
