The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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