I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
