'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
