The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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