everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
