party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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