i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
