I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
