how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
