On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
