I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
