its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She told me I should be a condom model.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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