my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
