bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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