i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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