accomplished twins. life is a go
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
