HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so let's talk penis.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
