Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
