I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
