i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
