He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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