Just fell off a train. Bad.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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