Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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