she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
