Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
