He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
