Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
