Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
