So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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