Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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