My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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