So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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