Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
