I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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