The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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