Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
