Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
