Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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