what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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