hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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