butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
