Already got asked if we're dating
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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