Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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