Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
