where am i from again
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
