what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
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Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
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The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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