and next time when you feel me up, do it right
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
