So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize