This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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