tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
