my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
