Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
