I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
