so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
