No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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