I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
