i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
