Swine flu. Run for my life!
Screwed.edu
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize