Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
