She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
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At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
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I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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