At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
