I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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