it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
