Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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