i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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