just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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