Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
