As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
