I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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