I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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