apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
