so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
