Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
