why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
