since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
